Whenever, Whatever
by Sapphonest
Summary: Femslash: C/S. Catherine is there for Sara when she needs someone. Written for Geekfiction Food Fight Ficathon.


**Whenever, Whatever**

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own CSI. OBVIOUSLY. Or Riley wouldn't exist.

**A/N: **So, I wrote this (in a rush) for the Geekfiction Food Fight Ficathon. Hopefully it doesn't suck TOO badly. The prompt was Everything Bagels.

--

Her drive to the cemetery was solemn. She was cold despite the hot Vegas day, yet she had no desire to turn on the heat. Finally coming to a stop, she stared out her window at the spot she knew she was waiting in. All alone. Never to move again.

After a full five minutes of stillness, she wrapped her slender fingers around the door handle and pulled. She felt numb. Even as one foot after the other pressed down into the earth, she felt nothing. She found the spot she wanted, not that she really need to look for it. Lord knew how many times she'd found herself at his headstone before.

She sat on the dry grass and her hand immediately went out to trace the letters of the woman's name.

"Hey. It's me. I, uh…" she started, but her words were difficult to find. Her eyes closed and her lips pressed together as she willed herself to stay collected, but she knew she wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer.

"I don't know how I let it get this bad. I just… don't… how did I…" She pushed her fingers into her brunette hair and sighed, unable to finish a thought. It wasn't until a thick droplet hit her lip that she even realized she was crying.

After that, she stopped trying to speak. Instead, she sat in her presence and willed herself to relax. She knew she needed to sort through her thoughts, be she also knew she couldn't force it.

The drive back to his place was much shorter than she liked and when she stepped inside, the same guilty feeling that had come to reside in her heart for the last six months filtered through her veins once more.

--

Walking through the halls of the lab was better than being at home. At least there she didn't have to be alone with him. There, she didn't have to make love to him and pretend to mean it. There, she didn't have to constantly lie.

She was paired with Warrick, which was quite a relief. Their case wasn't bad. Simple B&E out in Henderson. The perp was ridiculously stupid, and left his prints all over the house. They were done even before shift ended.

She had zoned out in the locker room when a warm hand on her shoulder broke her from her daze.

"Hey, Sara, you okay?" Catherine's soft voice rung in Sara's ears like an old favorite that was stuck in her head. She looked up at the older woman and smiled.

"Hi, Cath. I'm… uh, fine. Just tired, I suppose," she finished lamely and dropped her gaze to her intertwined fingers in her lap. Catherine continued to stand still above her, taking in the sight of the younger woman. She wasn't convinced. She knew Sara worked well with fatigue; this was something else entirely.

"I know you, Sara. Better than you may think. It's more than that." She continued to watch the brunette, willing her to make eye contact. "You know you can talk to me, right?" she asked and she sat next to Sara and tentatively took a slender hand into her own.

The contact finally made the brunette look up into the blonde's eyes. She was expecting pity, or curiosity to be present in them, but instead she simply found concern. It shouldn't have surprised her. The two had been getting closer over the last year; particularly within the last six or seven months. Sara had finally learned to trust in Catherine's sincerity, though it wasn't easy by any means.

When the younger woman finally spoke, it was with a shaky voice.

"I said I'm fine. Please just leave it alone." Her eyes were pleading, and Catherine knew to back off. She watched Sara, with a pained heart, get up and stalk off.

--

That morning, when she returned home, Catherine couldn't keep Sara from her mind. She wanted so badly to help the younger woman; to make things better. Not only make things better, but she wanted to keep this friendship that they had managed to build afloat.

She tossed and turned all throughout her sleep.

--

The next night at work, Catherine sought out Sara. She needed to know the other woman was okay, but after searching through each of the labs, she couldn't find her.

"Hey, Nick. Have you seen Sara around?" she asked as she stepped into the break room. The Texan was seated at the table with a cup of coffee and a magazine. He lazily lifted his eyes from the article he'd been reading and met hers.

"Yea, I think I saw her headed towards the boss's office." He gave a short head gesture in the direction of Grissom's office and returned to his magazine.

"Thanks, Nicky." Catherine's reply was given halfway out of the room, already headed towards her supervisor's office.

Her pace slowed as she realized that the door to the office was closed, but when she drew nearer, she saw that it was slightly cracked, and she could hear voices.

"… talk to me anymore. It's like were not even in this together." Catherine heard Grissom's voice just above a whisper escaping from the cracked door.

"I don't know what to tell you, Griss." Despite its low volume, Catherine could hear the resignation in Sara's response. Her heart immediately went to her friend.

"Please, Sara, tell me what you want," Grissom asked and Catherine suddenly felt like an intruder. She turned to make her way back to the break room and give her co-workers privacy, but Sara's voice stopped her cold.

"I want someone else."

Hearing the scuffling of a chair on the floor made Catherine scurry from the door side and to the break room. She tried to process the whole of the newly acquired information, but her thoughts kept drifting back to Sara's final statement to Grissom. Someone else. She wanted someone else. But before she could allow herself the thought she knew was coming next, she stopped to question herself, asking why she would care who Sara wanted.

She was saved from answering herself when Sara walked into the room and made a beeline for the coffee pot. Catherine watched her intently, wanting to reach out, but unsure how. She watched as Sara made her way over to the mini fridge and pull out a clear bag before replacing it. Sara finally sat opposite her at the table, bagel in hand, and picked up a newspaper that was laying in front of her.

Unable to keep from asking, Catherine finally spoke up.

"You okay, Sara?" She kept her voice down, noting that Nick was still in the room.

Sara looked up and brown eyes met blue. She momentarily lost herself in them before she answered.

"I'll handle it." But still, she kept her eyes on Catherine's. The two women lost themselves in each other and it wasn't until Nick's rather conspicuous cough that they even remembered where they were. Sara was the first to look away, and Catherine looked over to Nick with a glare. She was met with an unmistakable smirk.

Catherine heard Gil's measured footsteps coming down the hall and stop behind her before she heard his voice.

"Catherine, I got one for you," he said as he laid the slip on the table next to her and left the room. Her eyes went back to Sara, who was simply sitting; watching her. Catherine smiled and stood.

"See you, Sara," she turned to leave, but when she made it to the door, she turned back. "Hey, if you like bagels, you should try the Everything bagels down at the Bagel Shop," and with that, she left.

--

The shift that would not end did just that, and Sara was more than willing to leave the lab and head out. She made her way to the locker room to grab her jacket and keys.

Opening the door and stepping out into the surprisingly cool morning, Sara stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket and pulled it tight around herself.

Fingers met paper.

She pulled out the folded sticky note and unraveled it. Her breath caught.

Sara, I'm always here for you. Whenever, whatever you need. Never forget that. C

As she buckled herself in, a new destination came to mind.

--

The trip this time to the cemetery was much shorter, or so it felt. Pulling into her usual spot, she killed the engine and got out, lost in thought.

She found the headstone without looking and sat next to it. Her fingers again found themselves tracing the letters of the woman's name.

"Hey, Kaye. I'm back." She sighed heavily and her eyes wandered around the other grave markers.

"It's her again. She just… I don't know if I can risk letting her in. She means too much to me now for me to lose her." She stopped and rested her joined hands in her lap. "Maybe I should just talk to her." Her hand slipped to the pocket of her jeans and she pulled out her cell phone.

After three attempts, Sara finally hit send. She only heard it ring once before Catherine's voice came on the line.

"Sara?"

--

Catherine pulled up behind Sara's car not twenty minutes after that first ring. She didn't waste any time getting out of the car.

Sara watched her approach with a small brown paper bag in hand. When she was finally close enough, she held out the bag to Sara.

"I brought you some food, you never eat enough," Catherine said as Sara looked at the bag a moment longer before taking it. She parted the side of the sack and peered in.

"The bagel shop?" Sara asked, seeing the label on the wrapper. Her eyes once again landed on Catherine as the blonde shrugged.

She tucked herself down onto the ground next to Sara and let the silence waft over them. Judging by her phone call, Catherine knew that Sara needed someone to talk to, and she was going to give her the time she needed.

Sara eyed Catherine. She was still torn. Every single thing the blonde did made her care that much more. But she didn't want to risk losing a friend, even if it could lead her to the greatest thing she'd ever wanted. She just wasn't sure she could take that chance.

Until Catherine took her hand.

Sara turned to face the other woman and saw nothing but concern and love reflecting in her eyes.

"Sara, I know I told you before, but I'm here for you." Her statement was so simple, but it brought Sara's words to the tip of her tongue. "I won't ask you to talk. I can just be here." She punctuated her statement with a soft hand squeeze.

Sara suddenly couldn't handle the situation. Here, with her hand in Catherine's, hearing those words from the woman she wanted. It was too much. She dropped Catherine's hand and stood.

"I'm so sorry Cath. I can't do this right now. I'm sorry." She turned and jogged back to her car, leaving a confused Catherine calling after her.

Sara started her car and followed the path back out of the cemetery.

She turned out onto the main road and her thoughts hit her. She would inevitably ruin any relationship she had with Catherine. She would scare her off.

She couldn't imagine what she would do if she ever lost Catherine. The woman had become so entrenched in Sara's life, and heart, that life wouldn't be the same.

And that's when it hit her.

Sara was in love.

What had she done? Catherine was there, waiting, ready to be there for her, and for some reason, she still couldn't open up. She had turned away from the one thing she wanted the most. Now, she had to turn back.

She got into the turning lane and turned around, heading back to the cemetery.

As she pulled through the main gates she realized that there was a chance that Catherine had left, but as she drew nearer, she spotted the blonde's car still where she had left it.

She barely had the engine killed before she was sprinting across the lawn to the blonde figure. Catherine was still sitting where she had been before Sara left, but now the heels of her palms were pressed into her eyes. She apparently hadn't heard Sara's approach.

"Cath?" Sara's voice was barely above a whisper, but the small noise made the older woman raise her head. Tear tracts were visible on her cheeks, despite Catherine's clear attempts to wipe all remnants of the fact that she'd been crying away.

"Sara." The hope that flashed across her features gave the brunette strength as she spoke her next sentence.

"Catherine, I love you." As the words left her, there was no tension, she didn't hold her breath, and she wasn't crossing her fingers. She simply spoke the truth and watched as Catherine stood.

The blonde took the three steps to close the gap between them and laid a soft hand on the brunettes cheek before leaning in. Her lips caught Sara's in a soft kiss before she pulled back.

"I love you, too, Sara," she said as she let her hand slip into the brunette's waiting one. Sara smiled and together they walked back to their waiting vehicles.

Sara opened her car door and turned to Catherine. "This better not just be a ploy to get me to eat the bagel."

--

For Devin, who put this idea in my head.


End file.
